A new kind of wonderful - quote fest

Hi everyone,

Believe it or not I truly am learning a new kind of wonderful as I change my thinking around food. I am on day 3 if you can believe it of loving myself from the inside out with good nutrition and healthy excercise.

Here are some quotes that are helping me along the way.

1) Are you willing to change how you think about this issue?

There are no limitations to the mind except those we acknowledge. -- Napolean Hill

2) Where is God when I am hurting?

O Son of God to right my lot,
Naught but thy Presence can avail
Yet on the road thy wheels are not,
Nor on the sea thy sail!

My "how" or "when" thou wilt not heed,
But come down thine own secret stair,
That thou may'st answer all my need,
Yea, every bygone prayer.
- From "That Holy Thing" by George MacDonald

I love this poem because it says God cares and is present to our every need but not like we think. His answers do not come to use in response to our "why God?" "when God?" almost imature questions of a huge and loving God. His answers come his own way, but still he desires to meet all of our needs!

3) I am learning the fundamental question of all of life and sprituality...If God is love what is my answer to the question "Do you want to be loved?"

My soul screams yes, and so it becomes easier to treat myself with love, this thought has been a chief thought in changing my mind about food, myself, and personal integrity.

Thanks for listening in!

Wishing you a wonder-filled day!

Warmly,
Cicilia

Whew! Am I glad to be moving foward

I have to say after re-reading my last post I am glad to be moving forward in the pain management department of my life.

It's weird to choose to feel and to realize that the pain is not as bad as I first feared. To accept love both self love and self acceptance and also importantly "other" love - God's love, my family's love, my huband's love.

So after the Dark Night of the Soul (we all have them) what can I say is a wonderful life secret?

Here I go again, but I adore the children in my life. Right now I am in Regina, SK watching little Charlie (a friend of our's 2 year little boy) sleep soundly on the couch with his soother falling out of his mouth. Earlier tonight he was blowing the waitress kisses and she was wrapped around his little finger in seconds!

D and I probably won't have kids but we do love and adore the children in our lives. They are precious, precious gifts of hope, laughter, joy, and yes their antics even annoy us!

When I hurt, I am learning to look into the face of a child and see with wonder and awe the hope there, the potential there, the growth possible there. It's like magic.

Until next time may you learn much from your pain and find hope when you need it.

Warmest Regards,
Cicilia

The Dark Night of the Soul

I do not know how to describe the pain I am in.

BACKSTAGE

Pain is my mother
Pain is my father.

Pain is my origin,
but not my creator.

Brutal honesty bludgeons me. I bleed.

Dripping self righteousness,
selfishness, self centeredness.

I am petty. I am mean. I am a mess.

Perfect truth shines searing search lights on a
Deeply wounded soul.

If I say I am perfect I am kidding - the joker - fooling you, fooling me.

You fool!

All masked and rewarded I am instead "little miss perfect".

Prostitute of perfection to ward off rejection

Invisibly useful. I am profoundly absent as you are minded.



You don't see the limping wretch
beneath the tattered rags wreaking
of her wanton pursuit of your pleasure.

The baby in the blood bath wrapped in white linen...noticed; loved.
(Ezekiel 16:4-14)

You are never going to believe this

WOW! WOW! Did I say WOW!?

So, you know I'm learning about a new kind of wonderful in my life especially as it relates to food. I have not had much success this week as I was nearly ready to chew my arm off when I didn't bring my wallet into work (so I wouldn't spend money on food). Then, yesterday happened.

My hubby is an entertainer and an incredible one at that. He has been wanting to do a project that will benefit a charity in a really special way. He's working with a company's head office here in town to get the ball rolling and to his chagrin NOTHING is hapening. So we are both going - "Hey God where are you in this? This is for charity, this is to do your work and give back! A little help would be greatly appreciated!"

Now, I hit my most rock bottom when I cannot help the ones I love who are in pain. Here I am listening to my husbands frustrations getting all anxious inside. THEN I drive out of the garage with no one watching and a wallet. (Temptation trap for me). I also had a dream about McDonalds I had woken up from just that morning.

My mind was set, my heart was set, I was going to get McDonalds and have as much as I wanted no matter how bad the car stunk. I could see myself eating it, tastinging it, driving up to the drive through for it. (For those of you who do not have food issues the mental fantasy is the kiss of death, it is a done deal at that point).

But something very strange and wonderful happened. I did my freecycle pick up and then my grocery shopping and suddenly as strong as if I had heard a voice in my head saying it I heard "This is important for Derek". In that moment the craving vanished, disappeared, "poof!" went away and I sensed God was using me to be a strong example for my husband. I wasn't doing it. I can never resist once my mind goes there, but just as he has promised again and again he moved the mountain! To add to my joy I was used to help ease the pain of a loved one. Not by my own genius (believe me when it comes to food there is NO genius just slave), but by his grace.

Wow - now that IS a new kind of wonderful!

Learning a new kind of wonderful

Ok, so I am slowly being convinced that there may be a chance at a new kind of wonderful life if I am willing to give up some of strategies I've used for coping over the past 34 years. REALLY!? I'm still a little skeptical, but willing to give it a go.

I get tired at work in the afternoon. So my question and the experiment I am working on right now is "Can I get through the day with out eating when I'm not hungry?"

It's funny, I eat when I'm bored at work or at home, I eat when I need to get "through" something I don't like, I "treat" myself when I feel like I need a pick me up, and the most pertinent reason I eat to this experiment is I eat when I need a "break" or a "rest" (when really I'd rather take a nap).

So, here goes....I'll keep you posted on the many benefits I receive from choosing to jump off this rather scary cliff. My parricute comes from the Bible: Matthew 11:28 - 30:
28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

That's a big promise both spiritually and physically worth leaping for I think.

I am open to support in any way you can give it - so please post away!

To a new kind of wonderful life!
Warmly,
Cicilia

PS: I just read this quote and it touched my heart and gave me instant encouragement:
Why I Blog: Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people's souls. -- Melody Beattie